Miami Cops Get Stylish New Look

Miami, FL - Miami's first openly gay Mayor, Ronaldo "Buddy" Diaz, announced on Tuesday that the entire Miami/Dade police force would soon be taking off their clothes. Every officer in the department will be switching from their very traditional black uniform to a look taken directly from the hit '80's police drama, "Miami Vice."
Mayor Diaz explained, "Well, the biggest reason that we are making the switch from those drab old traditional uniforms to ones that are inspired by "Crocket and Tubbs" (the two main characters from Miami Vice) is that it gives our officers a more casual look, which is much less threatening to the millions of tourists that come to our city every year. We want our visitors to feel like Miami is someplace a little different, not just any other city in the U.S. of A. If they do happen to see a cop chasing a bad guy across a crowded beach, we want them to think, "Hey, am I on TV?" not, "Holy cow, I'm I going to get shot!"
Most of the officers we talked to were excited about the uniform change as well. Officer Burt Pennywhistle, who patrols the North Miami Beach area, was thrilled. "Man, its' gonna be so cool, literally! Wearing black trousers on the beach, in the middle of a Florida summer is about the cruelest act of torture a government can demand of its' police force. I can't wait to get my casual Versace white blazer and peach linen pants. I don't care what the Chief says, I can run just as fast in a pair of slip-on boat shoes as I can in my standard-issue Hush Puppies."
Indeed, in order to appease the top brass of the idea, officers were put through a barrage of tests to make certain that the new uniforms would not compromise their duties. Officers were made to run five miles in their new Top-Sider loafers, as well as prove that they could retrieve their guns and fire as quickly from the new armpit holsters. Even veteran officers were forced to run the entire cadet obstacle course to make sure the new blazers and rolled up pants didn't get caught on fences and other impediments, during a chase. Each officer also underwent strenuous peripheral vision tests with their new white Ray-Ban Wayfarer sunglasses, which will replace the standard issue mirrored aviator style glasses.
But the Miami/Dade Chief of Police, Norm Ironside, is still not in love with the new look and thinks that would-be criminals are not going to take the officers as seriously when confronted. "I just don't think that a robber is gonna give the same respect to an officer wearing pink pants and a five o'clock shadow." Said a gruff Chief Ironside. "Plus, the dry cleaning bill for these new clothes is gonna be outrageous."
Still, Mayor Diaz and his staff are convinced that even with the added laundry costs for the new uniforms, the move will help improve tourism dramatically. "We've done our research." Told an exuberant Diaz. "In places like Germany, reruns of Miami Vice have enjoyed top-ratings since it was sadly taken off the air in 1989. Germans, The Irish, The Saudis even, these people all love "Miami Vice" as much as I do, and are big spenders when they come on vacation. We want that money to stay here in Miami and not go up to Disney World or some other place." Explained an overly chipper Diaz. "Its' going to be fabulous." He added zestfully.
We asked Mayor Diaz if the Miami/Dade squad cars will be replaced with white Ferrari Testarossas, or if the officers will be given million dollar sailboats to live on, to complete the "Miami Vice" ensemble. He had this to say, " I Wouldn't rule it out as a possibility for future episodes, err, budget talks."

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UK and INDONESIA

SEMUANYA  KEREN!!!

GAMBARNYA  BAGUS - BAGUS  DAN  INDAH !!   BANGET!

I  LOVE ENGLAND

 

B U T.....

 

SPOOF TEXT

Contoh, Defenisi dan Struktur. ;)

DEFINISI SPOOF TEXT

 

Spoof Text adalah sebuah teks yang berisi tentang humor meski sebagian teksnya sudah dimodifikasi dari aslinya.

 

Generic Structure (Susunan Umum) dalam spoof text adalah :

1. Orientation => berisi pengenalan tokoh, latar, setting dll.
2. Events => berisi peristiwa atau kejadian
3. Twist => ending cerita  atau akhir cerita yang dianggap lucu, dan kadang tidak terduga
    
   CONTOH SPOOF TEXT :
   
   

   ABSENCE
   Joe's Mother got angry because her son got a low mark on English test.

   "Why did you get such a low mark on that test?" Asked mother angrily. Asked by his angry mother, Joe just kept silent and went out.

   A few moment, Joe came back home and met his mother again. His mother asked the same question. Joe answered steadily, "Because of absence."

   "You mean you were absent on the day of the test?" Mother wondered.

   Joe replied, "No, but the kid who sits next to me was."
   
   

   
   SAM TING WONG

   Jacky Wong got married with Lia Wong. Both of them had a white skin and straight hair. They are really a well-matched couple.

   One year later, Wong family got a new baby. A nurse brought them a son with curly hair and a black skin.
   The nurse congratulated and said, "What name will you give to this son?"
   With a confused face, Jacky Wong grumbled, "Sam Ting Wong!"

The Necklace

    Mathilde Loisel was one of those pretty and charming girls born,and she let herself be married off to a little clerk in the Ministry of Education. One evening her husband came home with a large envelope in his hand, an invitation card:

"The Minister of Education and Madame Ramponneau request the pleasure of the company of Monsieur and Madame Loisel at the Ministry on the evening of Monday, January the 18th."

Instead of being delighted, she flung the invitation petulantly across the table, murmuring.

"Why, darling, I thought you'd be happy. You never go out, and this is a great occasion."

She looked at him out of furious eyes, and said impatiently: "And what do you suppose I am to wear at such a party?"

Her husband had not thought about it. But soon he had bright idea and exclaimed "Why don't you go and see Madame Forestier and ask her to lend you some jewels. "

She uttered a cry of delight. "That's true. I never thought of it."

Next day she went to see her friend. Madame Forestier went to her dressing-table, took and opened a large box. Her heart began to beat covetously. She discovered a superb diamond necklace. Her hands trembled as she lifted it. She fastened it round her neck, upon her high dress, and remained in ecstasy at sight of herself.

The day of the party arrived. She was the prettiest woman present, elegant, graceful, smiling, and quite above herself with happiness. All the men stared at her, inquired her name, and asked to be introduced to her. She left the party about four o'clock in the morning. Arriving at home, She took off the clothes. But suddenly she uttered a cry. The necklace was no longer round her neck. So her husband returned to the party to find the necklace but he had found nothing. His face lined and pale. "You must write to your friend," he said, "and tell her that you've broken the clasp of her necklace and are getting it mended. That will give us time to work and get money to replace the necklace"

She came to know the heavy work. She washed the plates, dirty linen, the shirts and dish-cloths, and hung them out to dry on a string. Every morning she took the dustbin down into the street and carried up the water, stopping on each landing to get her breath. She went to the fruiterer, to the grocer, to the butcher, a basket on her arm, haggling, insulted, fighting for every wretched halfpenny of her money. While her husband worked in the evenings at putting straight a merchant's accounts, and often at night he did copying at twopence-halfpenny a page. This life lasted ten years and they had enough money to to buy and replace the necklace.

She went to meet Madame Forestier.

"You remember the diamond necklace you lent me?. Actually I lost it"

"How could you? Why, Well, you meet me to return the necklace now?"

"Yes, I bring you another necklace just like it. And for the last ten years we have been working hard for it. You realise it wasn't easy for us; we had no money. Well, it's paid for at last, and I'm glad indeed."

Madame Forestier smiled in proud and innocent happiness. She deeply moved and said;

"Oh, my poor Mathilde! But mine was imitation. It was only worth at five hundred francs!"

Horseman In The Sky

 

Carter Druse was born in Virginia. He was a southerner. When the United States was divided by a terrible civil war, Carter decided to join the Union Army of the north.

He told his father about his decision to join the north army. His father looked deep into his son's eyes. "Carter, No matter what happens, be sure you always do what you think is your duty."

One sunny afternoon, Carter was sent to guard. It was his duty to be sure that no enemy soldier spied on. Suddenly, he saw a man on horseback standing on the huge rocky cliff. He held a gun in his right hand, and the horse's reins in the other. Unavoidably, Carter pointed his gun. Carter was calm as he pulled the trigger.

Soon after firing his gun, Carter was joined by a Union sergeant.

"Did you fire?" The sergeant whispered.

"Yes."

"At what?" The sergeant continued.

"A horse"

"Was there anyone on the horse?" The sergeant asked again.

"Yes."

"Who? " The sergeant kept asking.

"My father

The Perfect Husband

 

This is another example of spoof text. This story is funny, humorous, and twisting. The story has unpredictable ending through organizing the tricky plot. Take a look!

The Perfect Husband?

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's

only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007

models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$80,000."

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"

MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment. Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know whose phone is???!!!"

TOP

 

My mother just turned 35 years old, but she already has a lot of gray in her hair, and therefore he wanted to buy hair dye. But because the job is pretty much at the office, so she sent a messenger to the office boy so.

"Mang Ujang, please buy a hair paint black or brown" she said.

Mang Ujang then replied, "Yes, madam. Wait a minute".

"Okay! Well, its brand TOP!" her continued.

 A few moments later, Mang Ujang came to bring a pack of "TOP-WAFER" with full chocolate.
My mother forget that Mang Ujang was "senile"  

That Phone is Off

Soon after he left college, Dave found one of his uncles who was very rich and had no children of his own died and left him a lot of money, so he decided to set up his own real estate agency.

Dave found a nice office. He bought some new furniture and moved in. he had only been there for e few hours when he heard someone coming toward the door of his office.

“It must be my first customer” Dave thought. He quickly picked up the telephone and pretended to be very busy answering an important call from someone in New York who wanted to buy a big and expensive house in the country.

The man knocked at the door while this was going on. He came in and waited politely for Dave to finish his conversation on the phone. Then the man said to Dave; “I am from the telephone company and I was sent here to connect your telephone”

Notes on the Spoof’s Generic Structure

Orientation: Dave was a lucky man. He suddenly became a very rich man because of the death of his rich uncle who had no children. He inherited his uncle’s money.

Event 1: Being rich, he wanted to set up his estate company

Event 2: He had his new office. In his office, he pretended to be a very successful businessman. He acted as had an important client. He showed by making conversation on the phone.

Twist: The man whom he showed is a telephone technician. He came to Dave’s office to connect that phone.

Contoh Teks Hortatory Exposition

Corruption

Thesis
Do you know what the meaning of corruption is? What is the relation between money and corruption? Well, corruption is common everywhere in the world, even in the United States. It’s just a matter of intensity. However, it is quite shocking when one reliable survey claims Jakarta as the most corrupt place in Indonesia.

Argument 1 

The survey has made me sad, actually, because I stay and earn a living here in the capital. As most people know, Tanjung Priok port smuggling is not a new thing at all. Entrepreneurs who want to minimize their tax payments tend to do such a thing more often. They even bribe the officials. 
Argument 2  

Well, I think the measures taken so far to overcome the problem by punishing the corruptors is still not far enough. We have to prevent the younger generations from getting a bad mentality caused by corruption.

Recommendation 

I believe we should start at the earliest stages in school and I think everyone should be involved in the effort to eradicate corruption. We must not make any distinction.

Adapted from: The Jakarta Post, February 2005

HORTATORY EXPOSITION

GENERIC STRUCTURE OF HORTATORY EXPOSITION

Generic Structure, atau susunan umum hortatory exposition adalah sebagai berikut : 

1.  Thesis / General Statement

Thesis / general statement berisi pernyataan pembuka mengenai topik pembahasan. Sebagai contoh kita akan membahas mengenai bahaya rokok, thesis statement yang bisa kita gunakan misalnya :

“Rokok dapat menyebabkan kanker, serangan jantung, dan impotensi”.

2.  Arguments

Arguments, ”Pendapat” berisi berbagai pembahasan lanjutan dari thesis statement secara detail. Akan lebih baik jika argument ini tidak hanya berisi pendapat pribadi penulis saja tapi juga bisa berisi pendapat para pakar. Mengacu pada contoh thesis statement tentang rokok di atas, kita bisa membuat arguments pendukung dengan lebih detail, misalnya :

Argument 1 : Saya mengira serangan jantung yang dialami direktur PT. LaptopButut, Pak “XXX”, disebabkan karena intensitas merokok lebih banyak dari pada minum air putih.(Terus kembangkan paragraf ini lebih dalam)

Argument 2 : Telah banyak dibuktikan bahwa rokok hampir menjadi sebab utama penyakit kanker. (Terus kembangkan paragraf ini)

Argument 3 : Impotensi seorang bos “XXX” di kota “XXX” disebutkan karena kebiasaanya merokok sebelum tidur. (terus kembangkan lagi paragraf ini)

3.  Recommendation.

Recommendation / suggestion berisi saran penulis tentang topik pembahasan. Jika membahas tentang bahaya rokok, sobat pasti tahu dong apa yang harus disarankan?

CONTOH HORTATORY EXPOSITION

Contoh hortatory expostion ini diambil dari buku bahasa Inggris Interlanguage yang membahas tentang "Masyarakat Indonesia harus menghargai perbedaan budaya demi Kesatuan Bangsa." Mari kita simak...

Indonesian People Should Value All the Different Culture to Promote Unity of the Nation

Indonesia is a culturally-diverse country. Many different religions and cultures from many provinces are now seen living side by side in many places. One of the biggest questions facing Indonesian today is how to deal with a culturally diverse citizenry and then promote unity.

Therefore, Indonesians should appreciate differences among culture for the following reasons. Firstly, Indonesia is vulnerable to separation for its archipelago and culture diversity. Raising tolerance among people is the best way to maintain the unity among differences. Many ways or cultures of living are equally legal, even if they are not regarded as normal by some people. If a society claims to be tolerant of personal choice, then it must respect the personal choice to retain their heritage. Then, unity of the nation can be preserved.

Secondly, Indonesians must recognize that every culture has different customs and beliefs. Thus, people are forbidden to make judgments of comparative value, for it is measuring something unmeasured. A plurality of nations, especially in the modern era, can allow for cultural development and cultural exchange that benefits both parties. The cross-cultural understanding among cultures makes the world a better place and preserves the unity of the nation.

Lastly, raising nationalism is one way to preserve unity of the nation. It is a sense of fellow feeling between group members. This promotes cooperation and social cohesion within the group. The sense of social cooperation makes welfare, social security and medical programs much more likely and stronger.

Cultural differences are sometime a sensitive matter for people. Indonesian people must teach younger generation about the importance of the cultural identity and nationalism to promote unity of the nation.

Pengertian Filsafat

FILSAFAT

Filsafat adalah studi tentang seluruh fenomena kehidupan dan pemikiran manusia secara kritis dan dijabarkan dalam konsep mendasar. Filsafat tidak didalami dengan melakukan eksperimen-eksperimen dan percobaan-percobaan, tetapi dengan mengutarakan masalah secara persis, mencari solusi untuk itu, memberikan argumentasi dan alasan yang tepat untuk solusi tertentu. Akhir dari proses-proses itu dimasukkan ke dalam sebuah proses dialektika. Untuk studi falsafi, mutlak diperlukan logika berpikir dan logika bahasa.

Logika merupakan sebuah ilmu yang sama-sama dipelajari dalam matematika dan filsafat. Hal itu membuat filasafat menjadi sebuah ilmu yang pada sisi-sisi tertentu berciri eksak di samping nuansa khas filsafat, yaitu spekulasi, keraguan, rasa penasaran dan ketertarikan. Filsafat juga bisa berarti perjalanan menuju sesuatu yang paling dalam, sesuatu yang biasanya tidak tersentuh oleh disiplin ilmu lain dengan sikap skeptis yang mempertanyakan segala hal.

Secara Etimologi

Kata falsafah atau filsafat dalam bahasa Indonesia merupakan kata serapan dari bahasa Arab فلسفة, yang juga diambil dari bahasa Yunani; Φιλοσοφία philosophia. Dalam bahasa ini, kata ini merupakan kata majemuk dan berasal dari kata-kata (philia = persahabatan, cinta dsb.) dan (sophia = "kebijaksanaan"). Sehingga arti harafiahnya adalah seorang “pencinta kebijaksanaan”.

Kata filosofi yang dipungut dari bahasa Belanda juga dikenal di Indonesia. Bentuk terakhir ini lebih mirip dengan aslinya. Dalam bahasa Indonesia seseorang yang mendalami bidang falsafah disebut "filsuf".

Klasifikasi

Dalam membangun tradisi filsafat banyak orang mengajukan pertanyaan yang sama , menanggapi, dan meneruskan karya-karya pendahulunya sesuai dengan latar belakang budaya, bahasa, bahkan agama tempat tradisi filsafat itu dibangun.

Oleh karena itu, filsafat biasa diklasifikasikan menurut daerah geografis dan latar belakang budayanya. Dewasa ini filsafat biasa dibagi menjadi dua kategori besar menurut wilayah dan menurut latar belakang agama.

Menurut wilayah, filsafat bisa dibagi menjadi: filsafat barat, filsafat timur, dan filsafat Timur Tengah. Sementara, menurut latar belakang agama, filsafat dibagi menjadi: filsafat Islam, filsafat Budha, filsafat Hindu, dan filsafat Kristen.

Filsafat Barat

Filsafat Barat adalah ilmu yang biasa dipelajari secara akademis di universitas-universitas di Eropa dan daerah-daerah jajahan mereka. Filsafat ini berkembang dari tradisi filsafat orang Yunani kuno.

Tokoh utama filsafat Barat antara lain Plato, Thomas Aquinas, Réne Descartes, Immanuel Kant, Georg Hegel, Arthur Schopenhauer, Karl Heinrich Marx, Friedrich Nietzsche, dan Jean-Paul Sartre.

Dalam tradisi filsafat Barat, dikenal adanya pembidangan dalam filsafat yang menyangkut tema tertentu.

• Metafisika mengkaji hakikat segala yang ada. Dalam bidang ini, hakikat yang ada dan keberadaan (eksistensi) secara umum dikaji secara khusus dalam Ontologi. Adapun hakikat manusia dan alam semesta dibahas dalam Kosmologi.

• Epistemologi mengkaji tentang hakikat dan wilayah pengetahuan (episteme secara harafiah berarti “pengetahuan”). Epistemologi membahas berbagai hal tentang pengetahuan seperti batas, sumber, serta kebenaran suatu pengetahuan.

• Aksiologi membahas masalah nilai atau norma yang berlaku pada kehidupan manusia. Dari aksiologi lahirlah dua cabang filsafat yang membahas aspek kualitas hidup manusia: etika dan estetika.

• Etika, atau filsafat moral, membahas tentang bagaimana seharusnya manusia bertindak dan mempertanyakan bagaimana kebenaran dari dasar tindakan itu dapat diketahui. Beberapa topik yang dibahas di sini adalah soal kebaikan, kebenaran, tanggung jawab, suara hati, dan sebagainya.

• Estetika membahas mengenai keindahan dan implikasinya pada kehidupan. Dari estetika lahirlah berbagai macam teori mengenai kesenian atau aspek seni dari berbagai macam hasil budaya.

Filsafat Timur

Filsafat Timur adalah tradisi falsafi yang terutama berkembang di Asia, khususnya di India, Republik Rakyat Cina dan daerah-daerah lain yang pernah dipengaruhi budayanya. Sebuah ciri khas Filsafat Timur ialah dekatnya hubungan filsafat dengan agama. Meskipun hal ini kurang lebih juga bisa dikatakan untuk Filsafat Barat, terutama di Abad Pertengahan, tetapi di Dunia Barat filsafat ’an sich’ masih lebih menonjol daripada agama.

Nama-nama beberapa filsuf Timur, antara lain Sidharta Budha Gautama/Budha, Bodhidharma, Lao Tse, Kong Hu Cu, Zhuang Zi dan juga Mao Zedong.

Filsafat Timur Tengah

Filsafat Timur Tengah dilihat dari sejarahnya merupakan para filsuf yang bisa dikatakan juga merupakan ahli waris tradisi Filsafat Barat. Sebab para filsuf Timur Tengah yang pertama-tama adalah orang-orang Arab atau orang-orang Islam dan juga beberapa orang Yahudi, yang menaklukkan daerah-daerah di sekitar Laut Tengah dan menjumpai kebudayaan Yunani dengan tradisi falsafah mereka.

Lalu mereka menterjemahkan dan memberikan komentar terhadap karya-karya Yunani. Bahkan ketika Eropa setalah runtuhnya Kekaisaran Romawi masuk ke Abad Pertengahan dan melupakan karya-karya klasik Yunani, para filsuf Timur Tengah ini mempelajari karya-karya yang sama dan bahkan terjemahan mereka dipelajari lagi oleh orang-orang Eropa.

Nama-nama beberapa filsuf Timur Tengah adalah Ibnu Sina, Ibnu Tufail, Kahlil Gibran dan Averroes.

Filsafat Islam

Filsafat Islam merupakan filsafat yang seluruh cendekianya adalah muslim. Ada sejumlah perbedaan besar antara filsafat Islam dengan filsafat lain. Pertama, meski semula filsuf-filsuf muslim klasik menggali kembali karya filsafat Yunani terutama Aristoteles dan Plotinus, namun kemudian menyesuaikannya dengan ajaran Islam.

Kedua, Islam adalah agama tauhid. Maka, bila dalam filsafat lain masih 'mencari Tuhan', dalam filsafat Islam justru Tuhan 'sudah ditemukan, dalam arti bukan berarti sudah usang dan tidak dibahas lagi, namun filsuf islam lebih memusatkan perhatiannya kepada manusia dan alam, karena sebagaimana kita ketahui, pembahasan Tuhan hanya menjadi sebuah pembahasan yang tak pernah ada finalnya.

Filsafat Kristen

Filsafat Kristen mulanya disusun oleh para bapa gereja untuk menghadapi tantangan zaman di abad pertengahan. Saat itu dunia barat yang Kristen tengah berada dalam zaman kegelapan (dark age). Masyarakat mulai mempertanyakan kembali kepercayaan agamanya.

Filsafat Kristen banyak berkutat pada masalah ontologis dan filsafat ketuhanan. Hampir semua filsuf Kristen adalah teologian atau ahli masalah agama. Sebagai contoh: Santo Thomas Aquinas dan Santo Bonaventura

Munculnya Filsafat

Filsafat, terutama Filsafat barat muncul di Yunani semenjak kira-kira abad ke 7 S.M.. Filsafat muncul ketika orang-orang mulai memikirkan dan berdiskusi akan keadaan alam, dunia, dan lingkungan di sekitar mereka dan tidak menggantungkan diri kepada [agama] lagi untuk mencari jawaban atas pertanyaan-pertanyaan ini.

Banyak yang bertanya-tanya mengapa filsafat muncul di Yunani dan tidak di daerah yang beradab lain kala itu seperti Babilonia, Yudea (Israel) atau Mesir. Jawabannya sederhana: di Yunani, tidak seperti di daerah lain-lainnya tidak ada kasta pendeta sehingga secara intelektual orang lebih bebas.

Orang Yunani pertama yang bisa diberi gelar filsuf ialah Thales dari Mileta, sekarang di pesisir barat Turki. Tetapi filsuf-filsuf Yunani yang terbesar tentu saja ialah: Sokrates, Plato dan Aristoteles. Sokrates adalah guru Plato sedangkan Aristoteles adalah murid Plato. Bahkan ada yang berpendapat bahwa sejarah filsafat tidak lain hanyalah “Komentar-komentar karya Plato belaka”. Hal ini menunjukkan pengaruh Plato yang sangat besar pada sejarah filsafat.Buku karangan plato yg terkenal adalah berjudul "etika, republik, apologi, phaedo, dan krito".